Nativity and the 'Stache

I have neglected my bloggerly obligations, my apologies to those that get bored enough to read these nonsensical ramblings. Since the last update that had the Afghan Air Corp flying a few 'first evers' for them, we've flown some more rewarding missions, had some good times and some very frustrating times.

We have been flying quite a bit with our Italian friends. They have continued to fly with us...even when our radios don't work right, we can't use the briefed radio frequencies, or when we take too long on the ground unloading while they cover us.

They've flown some interesting cargo too....like this connex, an hour and half flight dragging a big metal box!

The Italians bring midgets to hook the load up, no one else in their right mind would climb on metal box and hook it up under a 50,000lb helicopter hovering a few feet over their heads...except carnies. Look at 'em....little people!!!

The gunship drivers have mascot that flies with them....Jacko. His job is to wave at the bad guys as they catch 20 mm high explosive rounds in the chest. Just kidding! It's the carcass of Pinocchio....or it might be Achmed the Dead Terrorist, they keeeled heem.

Speaking of carnies...this place took a minute to wrap my head around...that's a ferris wheel at the Herat amusement park. There are slides, bumper boats, more slides, fountains, cotton candy and hot dogs on a stick. Okay...I don't know about the last two, but I'm pretty sure they don't have pork rinds there.

Needless to say...it was closed down during the Taliban times...as fun, joy, laughter, giggling, girls learning to read and write, were all banned.... if not blown up.

And speaking of mascots, this old guy is pretty laid back. He lives at Qali Now and wanders around greeting aircrews as they land, then takes a nap next to their helicopters. The Spanish have quit shooing him away as he seems to have learned how to stay out of the way of the running aircraft. He likes his ears scratched. I think he cruises around looking for food and scratching. The guys around the airport seem to like him.

It's nice to see him looked after...the Italians in Bala Morghab had a mascot dog that a US Army major shot and killed. The dog lived inside the camp, was loved and taken care of... that's 'Army Strong!' I've learned a little about the Army, like that they don't feel like they need to talk on the same radio freqs the rest of us do. They are too cool to use the same freqs going in and out of a HIGHLY congested Landing Zone. And they don't care about helicopter routes for us all to use...so that we don't hit each other. They say 'we know were we are, why would we care where anyone else is?' They are the coolest guys they know. Army Strong! or is it Army of One?

By the way, the Italian who had adopted the dog...he went and found the US Army guy...and told him how he felt, without using words.

We had some good friends with the Marine Special Forces, and their buddies up there in Bala Morghab, are in desperate need of winter supplies for shelter. They tried getting the Italians to bring up some lumber...but the wood got bumped for beer.

Seems like a tough call, but... if the Marines could drink, they probably would have agreed...BRING THE BEER! So we dropped by Home Depot after spending a few hours at the amusement park, and picked up some lumber!

We also picked up some supplies to for them to make the walls around their camp...and figured out how to load those heavy suckers! These sections of barriers, called HESCO barriers, weigh about 660 lbs a piece!

And take a long look at this...the friggin' pilot unloading cargo. Are you kidding me?! We're not supposed to get this dirty! No problem though...'cept I'm pretty sure I just bulged a few more discs in my back! No problem...I'll just see the chiropractor, sometime in May.

Then there was Afghan cargo...I don't even know what these things were, rusty metal barrels with holes. We think they were some kind of heater or oven. Either way, they look TOTALLY safe for your tent!

And while that was super safe...this one, this one totally blew my mind. We were flying home to Herat one day and near the river we flew over this...that is a real live motocross track.

Yep...that's the site of the Herat Outdoor National Motocross. Host to Round 2 of the Afghan National MX Series. This ranks as one of the top 2 coolest things I've seen in Afghanistan. I'm not sure what I've seen that's cooler...but I'm leaving the door open by calling one of two.

As awesome as the MX track was, this next one is maybe the number one coolest...at least top two! It is the season and even here, in Afghanistan there are signs of this special time of year. The Italians set up a Nativity in the main plaza. How could they be SO insensitive and disrespectful to all the Christmas haters?! Wait until the ACLU finds out, maybe they can represent the Taliban purveyors of the religion of peace in class action suit?

It warms my heart and make me smile every time I walk by and you can tell there is a touch of joy in the air around here. It also makes me sad that I have to come to Afghanistan, in the middle of a war, to see this on a military base. The Italians don't mind offending atheists. So it occurs to me to ask...do we fight to defend the freedom of speech or the the freedom from being 'offended' by scenes from a Jewish stable? Freedom from symbols of faith? Faith in a higher Being that so loves the world so much he sent His son?

So to the Italians and Spanish, thanks for remembering why this time of year is special and thanks for taking care of my little group American Airman.

And thanks to these guys, that have kept us safe so many times this year. This is the face of a fierce and relentless warrior...That's right they too know the secret power of the mustache! Merry Christmas and thank you all of you that love us, pray for us, send us packages and keep us safe when we fly into harm's way!

PATTUGLIA BAFFUTA PATTUGLIA CAZZUTA

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

By now you've most likely read or heard about the second round of elections....the run off election. The law says the winner must have 50% of the total vote. Even with all the precincts that had more votes for Karzai than people living there (I think ACORN got here before us), Karzai still didn't have 50% of the total vote count. There were like 20 candidates. Most UN election folks here didn't think the run off was going to chang the eventual out come but...it was to help eliminate corruption concerns, I know it sure made me feel better!

So onward we pressed! We delivered ballots out to the first two precincts on our schedule. Even after Abdullah Abdullah... uh...Abdullah Abdullah Abdullah there might another Abdullah in there not sure, had said he didn't want to play in the election anymore. Despite the challenger withdrawing...again, some felt it would legitimize Karzai's election, we were going to have an election! Whatever, it's not my job to make it make sense, we just delivered the ballots. It did take some convincing to get the Afghans to actually fly the ballots out for an election that was already decided. They thought it was silly....

And then, THEY (capital they, the UN election people) said....go pick them back up! WHAAAAT? I thought it would be better idea to just leave them out and let the Afghans burn them for heat in the winter? So....off we went!

Uh....with a few hickups along the way...

Like a little weather...we were looking for sucker holes to get down the back side of these mountains....and by 'we' I mean me and him...two suckers.

Yep, they actually let us fly together in the same place...we were told that would never happen. Something about international incidents...with Iran so close and all. Oh well, instead we just did a couple of the most 'important' missions that Afghan Air Corp has done to date. And that was before we even picked up those ballots!

We did some cool sh......stuff. Like supported a bunch of 82nd Airborne troops with food and water (even though their Colonel TOTALLY CUT US OFF ON APPROACH!). We moved some critical stuff to some soldiers stuck in house fighting bad guys...we landed in the garden. Our escorts said we were getting shot at...and the big man had to have talk with his Afghan pilot has the Afghan took off, leaving us in the garden still unloading. It went like this "You NEVER...leave your wingman". So while they were 'discussing' coming back for us, the Mangustas were almost out of gas...and someone was shooting. NO problem!

...and yes, our wingman did come back for us...he wanted to make sure that was clear as I left that a little bit unclear!

And along with the water and food...we moved some Afghan Commandos. They broke into the food in my helicopter, hiding in the back they stole some Army food and ate it...guess they were tired of rice and unrecognizable chunks of chopped up lamb. We also moved a lot of US Army 82nd Airborne troops, infact the largest troop movement in RC-West history. We worked with US Army, Spanish and Italian aviation...the Afghan Air Corp did some good work in the first few weeks of November.

We flew a lot with the Italians and got some pictures of both Mi-17's for the first time...Task Force Fenice' flew Mangusta gunships, CH-47 Chinook's and AB-412 Griffon's with us. The Mangustas took very good care of us...like when they reported that we were taking fire, they were out of gas but stayed overhead to keep us safe. They barely made it back for gas! (and that same Army colonel said...'do me a favor, don't listen to the Italians)

My guys with the Mangusta...everyone wants to take their picture with the Mangusta.

November was a month of 'Firsts' for the Afghan Air Corp...we did the first FARP, which stands for Forward Area Refuel Pit...or something. Some Army word. Which by the way, reminds me, a lot of what we were doing was direct support for an Army operation to recover two soldiers that were lost in Bala Morghab. They fell into a river while trying to recover air dropped supplies and were swept away and drowned. Pray for their families. One body was recovered and one is still missing.

This FARP was pretty cool, we hauled Italian fuel, yes, it's a little more stylish than regular fuel. But anyway, Qali Now, the usual fuel stop, was critically low on gas (the Army used it all up) and the Italians had a mission to fly to the Castle. They asked if we could haul their fuel...so we did. Two big rubber beach ball looking things full of Italian jet fuel. At Qali Now, we pumped the fuel into a Spanish fuel truck which pumped it into the thirsty Italian helicopter. Totally international!

And another 'first'...a pilot refueling the helicopter...I had no idea what I was doing.

Then this one...kite string removal from the tail rotor. That wasn't on my helicopter by the way. I missed all the kites in front of me. Can you imagine the broken hearted little kid that see's his only possession cut loose and flutter away? This was the big guy's helicopter, he ran right through the kites flying over the park.

This is just random picture of a fancy hotel...see the empty swimming pool? It was blown up by those peaceful purveyors of the faith, the Taliban. You know, those guys that some in our government want to bring to the negotiating table or in the latest bit of genius...pay them to be nice and not throw acid on girls that are going to school, or blow up little girls' schools. Maybe it's different if it isn't your little girl?

My pilots tell me this was a beautiful fancy hotel, where families went to holiday. The Taliban, along with banning kite flying and other such offensive behaviors blasted the cities and towns into stone age rubble. My interpreter told me...'I've seen people hanging in the city, with their insides on the outside and their heads broken'...he was beaten several times and thrown in jail for not having a beard...

So I know sometimes it's hard to articulate what we are doing here...but I know evil when I see it. I don't know you change warped minds full of hatred. I've been blessed to meet some amazing people with amazing stories. Even in the midst of heart breaking stories and history, they still know how to laugh and they want a better life for their families. So at the end of the day, no matter what you think of the war effort, there is evil in the world and real evil right here, and your countrymen are here fighting it along side Italians, Spanish, the Brits, Canadians, Australians, Lithuanians, Slovenians, Germans, Dutch, Luxembourg, Albanians, Norwegians, Swedes, Croatians, Macedonians, Czechs, Bulgarians and there are more I don't remember right now.

Happy Thanksgiving dear friends and family. We are thankful for your prayers and mail!

Driver's Ed

Don't forget to set the parking brake....or put the vehicle in 'park'. I remember something about that from driver's ed class. Let this be a lesson, you don't know where your vehicle might end up. It could roll across the road, into your neighbor's front yard.

It's really embarrassing when your vehicle rolls away, into a bad neighborhood. We had to fly down to pick up the passengers....that needed a ride after their bus rolled away. This town is pretty far south and not many Americans have ever been there. Funny thing, there was another wrecked air pane from 15 years ago...same thing happened to that one.

We were supposed to fly down, pick up the passengers and take them back to another airport. It was getting very late in the day, our boss in Kabul said "don't worry about it, there is a whole KANDAC of Afghan Army or Police down there, they'll take good care of you!" ...right, no problem, sounded like a great idea!

Now, I'm not sure how many soldiers make up a KANDAC, or what it stands for or if I'm spelling it right....either way, I'm pretty sure it's more than 5 guys. Which is exactly how many Afghan Police we saw...one for almost each letter of KANDAC?

After we took some pictures and interviewed the meter maid that told the guy not to park there...it was sunset and we had no idea where we were spending the night. We don't fly at night, since the Afghans have NEVER flown in the dark. (and yet, so many of them think they don't need to learn anything from us?)

I asked the crews if the helicopters were going to be guarded...'Oh of course! there will be two guards!". I said 'great!'...are we sleeping on the helicopters? My guys said "NO, of course not, you're coming into town with us!" ....ummm, so there we were two crackers (me and my Marine) headed downtown.

Turns out we got to stay in the 'Freedom Hotel'...right next to the governor's palace. It was really nice! The inside was pretty clean, we even had a tv in our room! The beds were the hardest thing I've ever slept on, but the room was free and it came with meals included...drinks too, Pebsi.

The next morning we had to wait out a dust storm before taking off...this is looking down the road. The road coming in the compound...the road that went through a nice neighborhood. Our pilots said it's really safe, don't worry, the houses belong to the smugglers. Nobody will make problems in that neighborhood. The next morning they told us how brave we were...the first Americans to go downtown. WHAAAT?! they told us it was all good!!!

We finally got out after the dust settled...we flew back to Farah with the passengers so they could get on another airplane. You think you've had bad airline experiences...the passengers had to find a place to stay the night after the parking brake incident, get on helicopters the next day then spend the night in Farah because it was almost dark when we got to Farah!

We had to convince an Afghan colonel, that runs around in a Russian Army General's uniform and likes to be called 'General', that it was a bad idea to fly the Mi-17's back to the dented up airplane right before dark. Genius.

Oh yeah...on the way to Herat we flew by this really nice...unoccupied Afghan Army base. It was built under direction of a US Navy Commander, she thought she was going to get the entire city of Farah to move away from the river, to the middle of this waste land and live around this base. When it was finished being built, she told the Afghan Army, 'here is your new base'...they said 'are you otta your mind? why would we move out in the middle of a desert!?'. It's still sitting empty, and the city has not moved away from the river, how weird? We heard she went home and was promoted.

We finally got to fly home from Farah...on the way we received enemy fire. Well, the lead air craft did anyway... they almost returned fire but one of the pilots said maybe they shouldn't try to kill the shooter...

This was from a rock. Some dude in a field stood up and hucked a tennis ball sized rock at lead. They were flying 130knots and 50 feet. Seriously?!... what are the chances?!!? Right in the windshield!

No problem...easy fix. All you need is a Red Bull can, some glue and contact paper! Yes, they flew again like this...

Dungeons & Dorks....and a Pelican.

We had mission...to a castle. The Afghans kinda lost control of a border checkpoint in scenic little hamlet, a wide, lush green valley next to the Turkmenistan border. The evil Taliban horde was too much for the Afghan Border Police...or they just gave up after the Taliban cut off the police chief's head. Either way, the Italians had to come slay the dragon and take back the castle. So they could give it back to the Afghans.

It was our job to resupply the Afghans after the Italians gave them their castle back. They were running low on supplies, it was our job to get them the supplies they needed...before they lost the castle again. (No one was sure how they went through two weeks of supplies in 4 days...they promised it wouldn't happen again...they promised not to sell everything in the town square?) The only problem was...well, the Afghans aircrews work less than the Spanish. They come to work from about 8:30...ish... give or take, and leave by 12:00. It's a tough schedule, I mean it's war after all. So we had the mission come down at 2 in the afternoon...no Afghans, just me and Stretch. And that was the other 'only' problem...we have to have two helicopters for any mission. Mutual support....in unlikely event of a water landing, means the wing man picks us up. Since the Afghans' work day is over around 12:00...we had to find a wingman.

The Italian Air Force 21 Squadron Tigre' said they'd be our wingman anytime. So we flew with Italian AB-212's...their version of the UH-1N, but way cooler.

That was the first time...oh yeah, the Afghan 'Crew Commander', was mad that we flew the helicopter without them...never mind the mission was approved by his commander, and the Afghan Border Police needed supplies. So we did it again....me and vegetable...single Mi-17, but this time with Italian Army guys...a single Mangusta. We flew up the river...'Nam style, oh yeah, now I can say I've been to Turkmenistan, I didn't get my passport stamped though. The 'Crew Commander' was really mad that time...but the Afghan Border Police that needed food seemed pretty happy that we delivered the goods with waiting for the Afghan aircrews to figure out that the rest of us work past lunch time everyday.

The castle is ancient...so was this Turkmenistan airplane patrolling the border. That is and Antonov An-2. We totally could have shot it down...Vegimatic was afraid the burning wreckage might fall on a goat or vegetable patch. So we let it go...this time.

This what the second 'most powerful' Mi-17 pilot looks like. In case you, the reader has forgotten, our genius Afghan 'Crew Commander' told us the guy built like a stalk of asparagus is the most powerful Mi-17 pilot...but I am in the captain's seat. I made him sit in the copilot's seat....because in this particular aircraft, the seat was really cramped, it was funny to see him all folded up in there and more importantly, I was comfortable.

If you look on the top of his right knee...that paper blowing around on his knee board from all the wind in the cockpit, is showing how when he flies...he's always out of trim, and HE's the most powerful Mi-17 pilot?

My office...and the tools of the trade. I can't read most of those gauges and switches...as it's all Cyrillic and I still have no idea what a kgf/cm2 is...

We made the usual gas stop in Qali Now...the kids are kinda cute. Make that...SUPER cute. They hang around the airport and talk with the Spanish soldiers....exchanging paella recipes.

Or....discussing the merits of a Remington versus Mossberg shotguns. Actually this kid is trying to sell arms to the Spanish. Okay, actually it's a toy gun that shoots plastic bb's.

So unlike the Dungeons and Dorks fantasy game, with warlocks and whatever...this is a real castle, not sure how old, all the buildings are made out of dirt anyway. We landed inside the castle walls where they used to grow wheat....at least I think that was what was blowing through the cockpit when we landed.

Though as old as the castle is...I'm pretty sure the Toyota Landcruiser buried in the wall at the left corner of the picture, isn't original architecture. We made the trip twice, me and Stretch...both trips were fun but the first one was the best, we saw camels swimming in the river, we flew with Huey's, saw the An-2 and the weirdest thing of all...we almost hit this flock of birds....

FRIGGIN PELICANS?!?!! are you joking?