"How to"....how to roll a 7-11, New Jersey style.

After we learned how to jam needles into different body parts, treat sucking chest wounds and severe arterial bleeding...they let us drive cars. High Threat driving they called it. It was awesome! We were taught how to get out of a car or SUV that was disabled in an ambush, how to rescue your buddies that just got ambushed and to cover each others movements getting away. Then we actually got to drive...

We drove cop cars (retired police interceptors) and Dodge Durango's. There were several different drills, slalom, 90 degree turns at max speed, lane avoidance and K turns....and maybe occasionally, a wicked burnout! So between entertaining each other with smoke shows and replacing divots (the orange cones that were knocked over...that was other people not ME, Rod sometimes though) we learned some stuff. At the end we put it all together.

The last exercise starts with ramming a car, pushing your buddies' disabled car through a lane change, then bailing out under paint ball fire into another car and speeding off through a slalom into another engagement (us getting shot at) and bailing into another car and speeding to another set of cone drills....all the while being chased by instructors in another car with their horn blaring and paint balls flying, to stress us...it was flippin' awesome!!!

Basically...we SO learned how to knock over a 7-11! Or a liquor store?!  Just kidding...that makes is sound like we didn't take it seriously...but seriously, we did! Totally!

This the view from inside the car...Dona in the slalom, before the camera flew out of my hand. It was violent...this was after she got special instruction from Jack the cute instructor.

Rod piloting the cop car...he pretty much owned the driving exercises, he was the best in class. And he didn't break any steering wheels off, so that was good. But I'm pretty sure he used up more rubber than the rest of us. 

This is 'driver down'...the only drill that an instructor rode with us. ('cept for when Dona got remedial training from Jack the cute intructor)...the instructor hammers the gas up to 40mph then simulates getting shot and the passenger has to jump over and take control. And that means flooring it and driving the car through the cones for whatever drill it was. That's Dona, all 115 lbs or so 'smashing' the instructor out of the way. I'm pretty sure it must have felt different for the instructor when Rod did the same thing... by about another 140lbs or so. The instructors were excellent.  

This is 'contact left'...and Jesse with his game face on. He said make sure not to forget beer, Stella Artois...I know seriously, seems like he'd want us to steal a tougher beer. And besides...I'm pretty sure you're not going to find that at 7-11.

 

This is Mai Tai...he's just reliving the previous night at the O Club in his mind...and the 'tree dance' he busted out with the big boned girls. He and Jesse were, uh....out weighed 7 to 1. The two of them danced with 11 well fed and 1 skinny girl...it was spectacular.

This is the kinder gentler Air Force... and the boss, he says pink is the new Army green. "How YOU doin', can I see your gun?"  

This is recovery from a rescue drill....and 8 people crammed into a Durango. Rod bailing out, it was tight fit with gun and body armor.

Oh yeah...we got to shoot AK-47's. You want the AK for rollin' the 7-11... and then all you need is a case of hand grenades. 

The training was superb. And definitely the highlight of the trip to New Jersey.  And I can speak for Rod and the rest of the guys including Dona, we hope to never to back to New Jersey...land of Dunkin Donuts on ever single corner.

Not sure why cars even come with left turn signals...you can NEVER turn left when you need to.  It's awesome...and only adds another 17 minutes to your 15 minute drive to dinner. Three rights will eventually make a left. Brilliant!

First Aid? This could have gone horribly wrong...

We've moved on from the language and culture training (though training us to have any 'culture' is arguably a lost cause) to Combat Life Saver...basically, we learned to put a tourniquet on anything bleeding, jam a needle into a chest cavity for a pneumothorax to let the air out, and last but not least, we learned how to stick each other with IV needles. That last part was awesome! But this was just basic life saving stuff...until you can get your buddy to real medical treatment. We just wanted to be clear...we're not male nurses.

 The training was outstanding...the instructors were excellent. They told us no tourniquets around the neck, even for a bleeding head wound? REALLY? come on!  They said it works for everything else! And the sucking chest wound...jamming a needle in there is pretty sweet. The dummies chest cavities even hiss like a beach ball letting the air out. But the best part of all, IV's! We were taught how to put in a saline lock...which has an outstanding secondary benefit- curing a hangover! But we had to give back the unused needles.

 But before that poking and stabbing stuff...we had to learn how to roll over a wounded buddy. Um...I'm not sure it's supposed to look quite like this. This looks a little male nurse...but since they are our roommates, we assume they must be straight!

This guy had a really bad day...looks like he might need a neck tourniquet. Or an orthodontist? 

This is murse Rod....administering some prime time combat life saving!  That is a CAT5 that he put on the arm of our casualty. This dummy was part of a medical simulator, one of 15 or so worldwide and it was pretty interesting. The casualties blink, breathe and bleed. 

And then...the very best part. Stabbing each other with needles and hooking up the saline lock! Rod stabbed me, Dona stabbed Rod and I stabbed Dona. It was a sort of mutually assured destruction pact...no retribution for the one that stabbed you! You just push till you feel it 'pop' into the vein, tape it down and then hook up the saline lock...there were only a few squirters.

More Army stuff

So far this training was the most entertaining. They put 5 of us into a Hummer and then rolled it over.....and over and over, ending with it upside down.  The 5th guy sat between the two guys in the back on a little swingy thing, and halfway out of the top of the vehicle. It's the gunner position.  These were up-armored Hummers with 750lb doors.   

Anyway, as the jeep thing rolled over, the guys in the back, me and rod, had to pull the gunner inside the vehicle and pin him down so he didn't flail around as it went around and around.

This was taught by US Army types....Hoooyaaah. Or whatever they keep yelling after every statement. They mumbled a lot. We almost had a repeat incident of the "I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!".  But we're getting used to understanding words with half the letters left out.

This is me getting into the back...

We're wearing our kevlar helmets and body armor stuff with blue plastic guns, and of course safety glasses!  You can see the guy sitting in the middle, the gunner's seat, his head is up through the top.

This is the commander...the boss man, he was the 'driver'. He had trouble getting his blue Nerf gun through the door. Now you can see why they gave us rubber guns.  He figured it out, eventually.

This the Hummer simulator getting ready to go upside down...

And this where it stopped...upside down, and the big man on his head. Good thing they made us do Army calisthenics to loosed up before. Oh yeah, it was 6 degrees outside the tin building and 6 and half degrees inside. (the Army guys didn't know how to work the heaters). So those little Hooyaah Army stretches really loosened us up! 

It all ended well...except for the gunner, Rod forgot to pull him out, right after I forgot to pull him out. oooops...our bad. I think he'll be okay though.

Playing G.I. Joe and stuff...

They taught us some Army stuff...running around with guns, low crawling (that one sucks), high crawl, near and far ambushes. We had to wear our IBA...I think that stands for individual body something? Or integrated ballistic armor or...whatever, anyway the big bulky vests and helmets. And just so you all know, the junk adds a good 35 pounds in these pictures, just wanted to make sure that was clear.  Then they gave us a couple of magazines full of blanks to shoot at each other. NO just kidding! That would be dangerous! (kinda like giving a bunch Air Force power point warriors some guns).  Stone cold killers....

This is the big man doing the low crawl...after the instructor gave some instruction that sounded like this..."how come you're the only one that didn't understand this". To which he said..."I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH"...it's in all caps because of the volume.  None of us could understand him...the instructor.

Then I sort of had a 'moment' with the instructor...he said something about being 'in the circle' so I went outside the circle and he said something about 'outside the cirlce' and I said 'I AM OUTSIDE THE CIRCLE!" And then he said 'inside'...so I said "WHICH IS IT?!?! INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?!!". Again...all capitals for the volume of the exchange. I had earplugs in.

Here are some fat kids rolling around on the ground...all tactical style, don't forget the armor ads 37 pounds in these pictures, and I was wearing gortex pants and jacket OVER my regular ABU's. I did't realize that I looked like Ralphie's little brother from the Christmas Story...

This is the rest of 'Bravo Team' doing some killin'. That is Bravo Team (the big man)  leader closest in the picture.

 

This is more of the boys...Team Alpha. These are guys that are going with us. Some aircrew and some are maintainers.

The first training event...

This is the drop off at the airport at the crack of dawn (usually we'd say the butt crack of dawn, but family members, little kids, aunts and moms might be reading this)...Kellie dropped me and Rod off on the curb, then went home and went to sleep. We flew to Phili...through DFW, where we waited for them to de-ice the airplane...in the rain? But doesn't the rain wash the de-icer off?